You absolutely need to begin learning about and then charting your menstrual cycles.
Let me back-track a little, and maybe I will start sounding a little less insane.
As most of you know, I’ve been thinking and writing a lot lately about natural family planning. It started off as a mere curiosity about something I thought was neat. But I have become increasingly serious about it. As you also know, I am currently trying to get pregnant, so at first I didn’t think NFP was entirely relevant to me. At the same time, though, I have been rethinking the whole issue of birth control since I just recently came off it. And I’m starting to have serious doubts about the necessity, validity and safety of contraceptives in general, and I am starting to seriously consider the value of natural family planning – alternatively (and more appealingly) known as fertility awareness.
Well, to start off my more serious studies into the subject, I took some of my readers’ advice yesterday and took out the book Taking Charge Of Your Fertility* (by Toni Weschler) out of the local library. I flew through the first quarter in the first night. I was just floored by all the information I gleaned from it. I’m not done yet, but I plan to be soon, and then I hope to share with you some of the stuff I have learned. But one thing I have already concluded is this:
All women deserve to know this stuff about their bodies, and it is a shame that most of us live our entire lives in relative ignorance about it.
More than anything else, knowledge is power. And I believe women deserve to have power over their own fertility. As it stands, with most of us knowing nothing about our fertility, we have to be at the mercy of our doctors and gynecologists to tell us where we stand. We have to rely on invasive, expensive, uncomfortable and often painful medical procedures to give us answers about our fertility, when most of the information we will ever need is in plain sight at all times. I am learning that even the dullest of women (i.e. women like me) can learn to recognize the signs of their fertility with relative ease. It just takes some time and attention. And a chart and a thermometer.
If you learn about your menstrual cycle, and learn to detect the various changes in your fertility, I am now absolutely certain you will gain confidence and power.
Did you know that you can easily tell for yourself whether or not you are pregnant without taking a test? With time, you can also tell for yourself whether or not you have a fertility problem, and you can help your doctors immensely in diagnosing the problem.
I had no idea about any of this stuff until now. And I feel totally ripped off that I have never been properly educated about something as fundamental, basic, and important as my fertility.
I now believe that every sexually active woman, whether she is trying to avoid or achieve pregnancy, ought to be tracking her fertility. Just think: no more worrying about whether or not you’re pregnant! No more frantic trips to the drug store during your lunch break to buy a $15 test, just to get a negative result! No more worrying that your bodily fluids are freaky and diseased! By practicing fertility awareness you can know the answer to these questions for yourselves.
Of course, fertility awareness doesn’t work if you’re on the Pill, because if you’re on it you’re not fertile (or at least you shouldn’t be). So I’m starting to think no woman should be on the Pill, either – for their own good. But now I’m venturing into “You’re insane, Kathy” territory again, so I will leave it at that.
I do plan to write an article soon about how the Pill, which was meant to liberate women, may have actually unnecessarily burdened us all. But for now, I’m leaving off with, “Ladies, I think you would do yourselves a huge favour by becoming educated about your own fertility.” I know I am so happy and relieved to have come across this information, and I think you would be, too.
I welcome your thoughts and reactions!
* Note: this is an affiliate link from amazon.ca. If you click on it and buy the book from Amazon, I get a teensy little commission. If you’re from the U.S., click here for amazon.com: Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Great ideas here and I completely agree with you.
And for the record, I am definitely of the opinion that the Pill definitely does NOT liberate women: quite the opposite. If you check out Jason and Crystallina Evert, they have some good points: when did we see fertility as being something we need medication for? As though it were a disease? And would men take a Pill if there was one available for them? Probably not. Best to be without!
I started charting when I got engaged so that I could learn NFP and do exactly what you’re talking about – feel empowered and learn more about my body! It’s a great thing to be able to bring in charts to doctors’ offices just to say “Hey, this is different, could we check it out?” or “Do you think this is normal?” or if you had any other questions that you would otherwise never think to ask or even notice. You have an excellent point too: if we can learn our bodies’ patterns, we could even AVOID the doctor’s office – awesome!
Anyway, hope you’re doing well these days. Many prayers for a little one soon! And Merry Christmas!
EXACTLY: treating fertility like it’s a disease. When did that become normal? How have we all fallen into this idea that our fertility needs to be “dealt with” through drugs? It’s bizarre when you think about it.
I agree that it must be so empowering to go into a doctor’s office and be able to say, “My luteal phase seems a little short and I think that’s why we’re having trouble conceiving” rather than “I don’t know what’s wrong with me! Shouldn’t I be pregnant by now?” The second statement is where I was just a few weeks ago. I know that we probably can’t/shouldn’t avoid the doctor altogether, but we shouldn’t have to rely on them for absolutely everything.
It sounds perfect to begin charting while you’re engaged so that by the time you become sexually active you already know what’s going on. Those of us who started our marriages off on the Pill have a harder time if we want to transition to NFP later, because we have to learn about it while having sex so it’s a lot riskier. I wish I had done what you did!
Thanks for your thoughts and for your prayers! I feel so undeserving! Merry Christmas to you, too!
Kathleen, I may not be able to add any helpful information, but I believe I am allowed to give my opinion right?..
First of all, i love that you are putting all of this out there, trying to help us ladies take charge of our lives and quit relying on drugs to do it for us. This subject interests me like crazy, for several reasons, but the main ones being that its way better for you and way the heck cheaper. The pill costs over $50 for three months which is doable but why spend money into something we don’t need? And other methods (condoms) what a pain?…kinda puts a damper on the mood if you ask me but i guess nobody did.
When I started looking up stuff on the subject, i found myself getting frustrated very quickly, theres a million charts and i dont know where to begin. I know the basics but the topics you are introducing sound amazing! no pregnancy tests! I’m very interested in learning more about this from you.
Merry Christmas
(also if you take a break from blogging, your readers will understand, but I’m sure will miss reading you everyday)
I found the charts and stuff online very confusing, too. But now that I have a book devoted to the subject, I am feeling a lot more confident about it. This book goes through the charts step-by-step. It’s a breeze to understand.
I’m so glad to hear other women are interested in this stuff, too! We’ll have to keep in touch as we both learn more!
Kathy, I could not agree with you more! After having Paisley, I decided not to go back on the pill because I didn’t like the side effects, and the cost. However, I’ve been leaning more and more to the ethical side of it; I don’t like the idea of filling myself with unnecessary hormones.
My Mom used the Billings method of NFP (not sure of any differences between that one and any you’ve talked about) and I always thought that was weird. I thought it was out-dated and old school. She suggested it to me when I got engaged but I figured I’d be one step smarter and just go on the pill. I’ve come to realze, though, that she was the smart one the whole time. Feels like I can never out-smart my Mom!
I will have to get this book and learn more!
Oh, man — I know, right? How are our moms always smarter than us? I thought I was smarter than my mom by going on the Pill too. I guess we can always learn from them, even after we think we’re all grown up.
As far as I know, the Billings method involves only observing cervical fluids, whereas the Fertility Awareness Method combines that with taking your basal body temperature every morning.
I’m glad to hear you’re interested in learning more, too!
I’m a new follower of your blog (found a link on the FB NFP group), and just wanted to pass on my encouragement as you learn about FA/NFP. It can definitely help you as you are TTC as well as when you are trying to avoid a pregnancy. I’m Catholic but I think it’s something that is useful and empowering to *all* women and wonderful for marriage
Merry Christmas and good luck with your writing projects!
Thanks for the encouragement, Michelle! I am definitely beginning to see that fertility awareness is NOT just for Catholics.
I must confess, I didn’t know that “TTC” was a common acronym for “trying to conceive” so it took me a few moments to figure out what you were saying there.
I think most women feel the same way after they hear about fertility awareness and TCOYF. It is so enlightening and empowering….way more so than I ever felt when I was on the pill. And now that I’ve been off the pill for a couple months and my cycle is becoming more regular I am starting to understand the method, everything is easier to use and not as overwhelming as it was when I first came across FAM (or NFP for us Catholics).
Sorry to rain on your parade, but all of this still sounds very theoretical. The idea that you can reliably know when you are and are not fertile and disregard birth control seems unlikely. I don’t doubt that the book could help in changing one’s odds in getting/avoiding pregnancy, but I have major doubts about your suggestion that it can be used as a replacement for birth control. At this point, you don’t have any experience in proving that you know (or can know) when you are and are not fertile.
“Just think: no more worrying about whether or not you’re pregnant! No more frantic trips to the drug store during your lunch break to buy a $15 test, just to get a negative result!”
You seem to be suggesting that this is a foolproof method for not getting pregnant if you don’t want to get pregnant, and a foolproof method for getting pregnant within a single month, if you want to get pregnant. That seems rather unlikely. My guess would be that you’ll be having a few accidental pregnancies if you tried to use this as a birth control replacement.
“I do plan to write an article soon about how the Pill, which was meant to liberate women, may have actually unnecessarily burdened us all.”
Unnecessarily? Because you can have complete control using this unproven method instead? I’m sorry, but women have been trying for millenia to control whether or not they get pregnant. I’m doubtful that this book is the holy grail you suggest it is.
KaT: “when did we see fertility as being something we need medication for?”
(shudder) KaT sounds like a member of that irresponsible quiverfull movement.
T,
Thanks for stopping by and offering your thoughts. Don’t worry – my parade doesn’t feel rained upon at all. It helps that your comment seems to suggest you know even less about the subject than I do, which I admit is still quite little. I’ve only read one book on the subject and a handful of articles, and I haven’t even put it into practice yet, so I can’t possibly be considered an expert. But it seems you haven’t even done that much.
For starters, I at least know that FAM isn’t even close to being only theoretical. Its effectiveness has been tested and proven, and published by doctors. It’s completely scientific. Here’s just one article, written by doctors, that a reader suggested to me: http://www.jabfm.org/cgi/content/full/22/2/147. It’s from the Departments of Family Medicine and Psychiatry at University of Iowa. They say that the unintended pregnancy rates when FAM is used properly is 1% to 3%, which is comparable to other contraceptives.
You seem to think that the book I mention is the only one published on the subject, but it totally isn’t. There are plenty of others. Look around – there are plenty.
Plus, if you think about it, the logic and science for FAM is airtight: you can’t get pregnant if there’s no egg available to fertilize. An egg is only available in a woman’s body for a few days every cycle, and her body typically gives very clear signs of when an egg is present. FAM relies on three corroborating signs of fertility, and one of them is easily measured by a thermometer. If you abstain from sex when there’s no egg, you CAN’T get pregnant. Sure, people can mess up on reading the signs, and sometimes bodies are going to do unpredictable things, but overall the science makes sense.
Not only is there science to back it up, but many people are practicing it and it has been working for them. I don’t have any stats but maybe one of my readers can provide some.
To address your comments specifically: I don’t think this method is foolproof as a birth control, but I do think it can be about as effective as contraceptives. And I didn’t anywhere suggest it’s a foolproof method in getting pregnant “within the first month.” But I’m pretty convinced, from the literature, that it’s highly effective for increasing your chances in getting pregnant. Again, I don’t know the stats off-hand, but I think it’s something like 60% more effective than random sex.
Also, women from earlier millennia didn’t have the information we have now, and they certainly didn’t have digital thermometers, so it’s no surprise they’ve had a harder time avoiding pregnancy.
Despite your attempt to “rain on my parade” I remain very confident in FAM’s potential to work as a birth control, even though, as you point out, I still lack knowledge and experience. But I look forward to learning more about it from people who DO have knowledge and experience, and I look forward to learning with other open-minded people.
Don’t worry, though: I was very skeptical myself when I first started hearing about it. I encourage you to check it out for yourself.
Kathleen,
I’m excited to hear that you’re taking this foray into natural family planning! If you’re looking for Protestants who are using natural methods to avoid or achieve pregnancy, check out http://www.christianfamilyplanning.net. Most of our 100+ members are Protestant.
We’d love to have you join us! Feel free to shoot me an e-mail if you want to chat!
Stephanie
Thanks, Stephanie! Another reader recently directed me to your site and I’ve bookmarked it (though I admit I haven’t taken a thorough look yet). Thanks for the invitation. There’s a good chance I’ll need someone to talk to as I learn more, so thanks for making yourself available for that!
Oh man. I love both this post, and your response to the “parade-rainer”. I’m glad you’ve been investigating NFP/FAM, it is much healthier on the body (and I’d argue the soul) than any contraception.
Anyway, I don’t have any hard data, but anecdotal evidence I do have is a friend and her husband who have been married for nearly 2 years, using NFP to avoid pregnancy for that whole time, and do not have any children. It works for them, and I’m willing to bet a whole bag full of money they aren’t the only ones either.
Thanks for this post!
http://fumblingtowardgrace.wordpress.com
I suspect it’s healthier for the soul, too — thanks for pointing that out. And I now know of a number of people who have been using it successfully for years, too. It definitely helps to know there are couples out there who can say from experience, “Yes, it totally works, trust us!”
Yes! Knowledge of your fertility is one of THE most empowering things a woman can have! I only wish more doctors and nurses had this knowledge, too!
In case anyone is curious, my husband and I transitioned from the Pill to NFP after we were married. It was tough for those first couple months, because the periods of abstinence were longer, and they seemed especially long because we weren’t used to them! But once we learned all these things you’re learning, there was no way we could continue to use contraception. It really would have been good for us to learn it before we were engaged, so we could’ve been doing this all along.
I thought your response to T was good. NFP actually is just as “foolproof” as contraception, with the science to back it up, as you pointed out. My only note is to be wary with FAM specifically, as I believe it allows for things like condoms to be used during the fertile time. As these have higher failure ratings overall, I’m not sure how effective they would actually be during ovulation. If you have a serious reason to postpone pregnancy, it seems waiting for a few days is the better option.
I’m really looking forward to your future post(s?) on how the Pill is a burden – I do think it’s really made us slaves to sex instead of freeing us for it. I’m also interested if you eventually connect it to the social problems it seems so clearly related to (divorce, abortion, promiscuity, etc.). Congratulations on opening up to NFP!
Thanks for sharing some of your personal experience, Elizabeth, especially since I don’t have any to offer at this point!
I think it’s good that you point out that using things like condoms during fertile phases creates a higher failure rate than strict NFP which encourages complete abstinence during those times. Taking Charge of Your Fertility covers this, but I think it’s good to point that out to readers here, too. Interestingly, as you suggest, condoms are considered LESS effective than NFP.
I’m having trouble deciding whether to stick with “NFP” or “FAM” as my main term in discussing this stuff . . . if I decide to go with one or the other I will have to be clear to my readers on the differences. Thanks for pointing out, though, that they are indeed different.
Hi Kathleen,
Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year! I’ve been following your new quest in NFP here and your article on Engaged Marriage. So here’s my question, and sorry in advance that this is probably going to sound really immature.
What’s the ick factor involved? I do the shot so I’m only concerned about my birth control one day every three months, which means I am completely unconcerned with periods, temperatures, mucus levels, and all the stuff that makes me go ick. How much rooting around down there and general time devotion are we talking about?
Thanks
Mrs. Levine of http://www.whisperedbetweenwomen.com
Haha – I don’t think that’s an immature question at all. It is perfectly legitimate. I was exactly where you are now about a month ago. I am still by no means an expert, so don’t take my word as absolute authority. But I personally think it’s pretty manageable, even for the weak of stomach. And I am weak of stomach.
Taking your temperature is completely ick-free, because it’s just a thermometer in your mouth. (Apparently you can choose between oral, rectal or vaginal, but WHO IN THE WORLD would choose the latter two?? I . . . I can’t even imagine.) And as for “mucus” (which I much prefer to call “cervical fluid”), all you really have to do is pay attention. I think you can kind of choose your level of involvement. If using your fingers grosses you out (which it does for me) you can use tissue. I admit I kind of gag when I see photos, so I just look really quick and then I read the descriptions. I can handle written descriptions.
I’m sure fertility awareness is not for everyone, but I think it’s wonderful to have the option. I think it’s valuable to get to know your body, and I think once you get to know it well enough it stops making you go ick. Plus, as Toni Weschler points out, if you’re using fertility awareness to achieve pregnancy, cervical fluid is nothing compared to the ickiness that will ensue when you give birth to a baby (all that poo and vomit will make cervical fluid seem like nothing).
Oh, and time devotion? I can’t say too much from experience, since I just started myself, but I have read that eventually it becomes so second nature that it takes practically no time at all. A few seconds every morning to take your temperature, and when you go to the bathroom you just pay attention to what you see. At the end of the day you check a few boxes on your chart and voila. Done.
I don’t know if that helps. Maybe it’s a start? But thanks so much for your excellent and perfectly reasonable question!
You know what, it was such a relief just to hear that the thermometer goes in your mouth! Haha. That makes the whole thing sound better already. I’m really interested in watching your journey with it. I, too, thought that NFP was just for Catholics because they had to. But I’ll have to be off of the shot for a year before trying to get pregnant, and you have me thinking about NFP.
I just stumbled on your blog and love it! I just bought “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” last month and it surprised me how little I knew about how my body works and I regard myself as a fairly intellegent woman!
I look forward to reading more!
I think we as women are told just to “take the pill” without ever getting any education on what actually happens in our bodies. After learning about NFP I felt a lot more confident about myself. We used NFP and it was easier for us to get pregnant just because the husband and I both knew my cycle so well. While I was nursing the Creighton method worked well for us. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
You’re welcome! Looking forward to helping you in your exploration of natural family planning methods!
Glad to hear you’ve bookmarked our site!