Update: this giveaway is now closed. But you can still buy the game!
I want to hear some of your thoughts on sex.
Incidentally, I also have the opportunity to give away an awesome game that encourages couples to talk about sex.
Let me begin by telling you about the game that YOU can WIN! Today!
A Private Affair: The Erotic Game of Secrets, Plans & Promises for Couples
This is not your typical couple’s sex game at all.
First of all, it was developed by a physician and practicing marriage and family therapist. If you ask me, that’s a pretty rad starting-point.
Second, this is not a game you play in the bedroom. Rather, it’s card game you play in restaurants, over coffee, while out for a walk, even on the phone. It can be played in so many ways: slowly, over a romantic meal, or a “quickie,” during a five minute drive in the car. It’s a game where you reveal intimate secrets, where you explore new, sometimes steamy plans together, and where you commit to remembering and keeping new promises.
Third, just look at how classy it looks! I would be happy to get caught playing something so classy-looking with my husband in public.
A Private Affair is meant to deepen intimacy between committed lovers, and is consequently a product I am happy to endorse!
Here’s what Dr. Todd Sellick, the game’s creator, has to say:
Couples today face some very interesting challenges which can impoverish their love relationship in so many ways, and on a variety of levels. One author (I believe it was Sheldon Vanauken in his fabulous book “A Severe Mercy) suggested that unless couples are extremely mindful and diligent in their marriage, they risk suffering a “creeping separateness,” that distorts and tarnishes the life and friendship of marriage. The sexual part of the relationship very naturally, and reasonably, suffers along with this, so often bruised in this experience of “creeping separateness.”
As well, couples are busy, often frustrated financially, fatigued, and lonely, and so often at a loss as to where to begin in their road back to each other.
This game is meant to help couples get back on that road.
Learn more about this exciting game on its uber-chic website.
And guess what? You can win it, and have it shipped right to you for free!
Here’s How You Can Enter to Win a Free Game of A Private Affair:
1. Leave a comment, answering the question, “What is the biggest misconception you had about sex before you were married?” Alternatively, you could answer the question, “What is a common misconception about sex that you often encounter?” This discussion is part of my goal to dispel the myths around marriage – including sex.
2. You can enter a second time (doubling your chances of winning) by twittering about this giveaway. Either retweet it using the “Sharing is Sexy” tool below, or just be sure to include @kathleenquiring in your tweet so I can see it.
The contest will close Saturday, Feb 13 at 10:00 EST. I will compile a list of entries as they come in and then randomly select one of them. I’ll let you know on Valentine’s Day if you’ve won!
So get to it! Start talking!
Special Note: Even if you don’t win the game, please note that it is on sale during the month of February – down from $34.99 to $29.99. Sounds good to me! Buy it here.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
I thought reaching orgasm would be a walk in the park. When I still couldn’t, six months after marriage, I felt like a total failure. Seeing a sex therapist was the best $300 we ever spent!
to be perfectly honest it was an issue that blindsided me. Even with our church and parents, everyone being so traditional, sex was never really covered. I thought it just happened naturally.
I now pray daily that someday we’ll actually have a sexual relationship, as of now it’s nonexistent. Not exactly what I would have expected.
Hmm, I think for me it was the idea that our sex life would come naturally and easily. So not so. You definitely have to work at it!
Great giveaway! Thanks for letting me enter!
I thought it would be easier. Not just the act itself but the whole issue. We were both totally up for, had spent so much time desperately wanting it, but saving it for marriage, and then it turned out that it wasn’t a glorious event with blazing firework. Instead it was a part of our marriage that requires lots of hard work (needing prayer, being a constant source of misunderstanding, provoking tears, and requiring outside help). Hmmm… it seems Cosmo never included an article about that.
Before marriage while you’re dating, everything is so exciting. Sex is on your mind alot because it’s forbidden. After you’re married, you have to make a conscious effort to think about it even once or twice a day. It becomes routine. Much different than I would have imagined.
How messy and un-natural sex can be.
We knew this before marriage, but only because we were told by the couple who did our marriage counselling. I still didn’t want to believe it.
You see on TV and in movies all the time how a couple falls into bed together, their clothes come off magically and the next morning they wake up, hair done perfectly, make-up still in place and spooning.
Gosh, how far from the truth that is for us.
I find it so awkward undressing, usually having a leg stuck in my pants, or unable to undo my bra (although it still takes less time doing it myself instead of my husband!). Then after it’s all said and done you can’t just fall asleep in eachother’s arms (we don’t anyway). You have to clean up and suddenly it’s “too hot” for your husband to snuggle.
I was surprised how “hard” sex can be. Sometimes it’s a struggle to find the time or to have the energy. Often my wife and I are not on the same page, excitement-wise, and one of us ends up unfulfilled. While it’s fantastic when it goes right (that’s not a strong enough word), it can be work to get there.
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex in marriage is that your responsible to satisfy your partners needs. That you have to sacrifice yourself in order to please them. While it is always a good thing to want to share in your partners sexual interest, by no means should you sacrifice yourself to appease your partner. Instead, really knowing what you want and need to achieve great intimacy and sex, and then sharing that with your partner is a true gift. That is easier said then done for most couples though, but certainly not impossible.
What a great game! It looks very sharp! I might have to get it even if I don’t win.
I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that singles have better sex lives than marrieds. Research shows the opposite is true, although reading some of your commenters one might think otherwise. Yes it takes some time and work to get in synch with one another, but the true intimacy of two people who truly know one another makes it more enjoyable.
I thought that I would want to have sex all the time. Instead, I rarely have the drive or energy. I don’t have any other word to describe this than: sad. It’s sad that I can’t fulfill my partner. It’s sad that I can’t even meet the expectations that I had set for myself when I was engaged. It’s just plain sad.
I came here from Simple Marriage. So far, I like your blog a lot! I think I was surprised by how much better my relationship is with my husband when we’re having sex regularly. I also discovered that sex can still be enjoyable, even if I didn’t feel like it when we first started. And I found that saying “yes” even when I don’t really feel up to it means that I get a lot more respect when I do say “not tonight.” I was amazed to discover that I have a much lower sex drive than I thought (life and kids will do that to you, I guess), but that one of the gifts I give my husband is being available and willing. Enthusiasm usually follows, but even if it doesn’t, I still get the satisfaction of having pleased my husband, which makes him more willing to please me in other ways (like washing dishes or fixing things).
It looks like a great game!
For me, the biggest misconception has been ORGASM! I love to orgasm, but have discovered that all sex does not have to end with orgasm, and when either partner has that mentality, it can lead to frustrating sexual experiences based on the finish, rather than the journey.
Getting over the “have sex until you orgasm and then you’re done” mentality has been tricky and is something that I’m still exploring, but so far, it has been incredibly rewarding as well, leading to more intimate and experiential sex.
Definitely time to reassess what sex means to you for anyone who, like me, has had this mentality! Its very worth it to do so
How often, because of time, energy, etc., you end up preferring to spend that quality time in other ways.
p.s. I love how many men are sharing their point of view on this!
My greatest misconception about sex was that it would be more pleasurable. Although I didn’t save myself for marriage, my husband was my first and it’s taken a lot of hard work and experimentation, not to mention time, to make something i thought would be completely natural to really feel good and make me excited. I suppose I should correct myself and say that my greatest misconception about sex was that it is something natural that doesn’t need so much work.
The biggest misconception for me was that it would always be fun, available, and something both partners would constantly seek… instead, there is fatigue and stress and kids and chores to do…
Man, sex is a big unknown before you become sexually active. I read so many books about it before marriage and talked to many married friends, and it was still so different than expected. Many of the generalizations made about men, women, and sex did not apply to us at all, which I only found out after we were married. But unlike most comments here, my experience has thus far been better than I had expected. Granted, we do not have children to complicate the matter, but before marriage I was TERRIFIED of sex! I thought it would be painful, a chore I would never desire, and humiliating. We never did talk about sex before we got married without it feeling totally awkward, so I dreaded the night when the actual act would take place. It was still a bit awkward at first, but now we laugh and joke about it, plus can still have serious conversations about what would improve it. Sure it takes more work for it to be pleasurable than I had expected, but at least it is far from horrifying like I had imagined!
I am totally interested in other people’s impressions before sex compared to what they experience…it’s something every sexually active person can contribute to!
I thought it would be fabulous, movie making stuff. Easy and wonderful, like opening a present every time!
Um, but that’s not reality…
I would say how much less often you have sex than you think you would before you get married.
Do you remember when little boys used to make fists and push their finger in and out of it to mean sex? It was a big shock when I found out the hole they were referring to was not my belly button. Honorable mention? Haha.
Like most of us–I always imagined we would be having sex every night–but with jobs, kids, bills, laundry cooking, shopping, etc at times it got down to once a week–now that the kids are older–we have more time to ourselves–it’s back to 3 or 4 times a week. When I was young sometimes on my lunch break we would have a quickie –and no one was the wiser–now at 43 when we have sex–for some reason my mascara ends up under my eyes and i look like a raccoon –yea now when I’ve had sex–I look like i just had sex!!
kakihararocks@gmail.com
I guess I thought sex would be more like the movies. You get all passionate and kissy and you make love while a breeze softly blows the curtains around. Then when you’re done you collapse together on the bed and snuggle tightly as you fall asleep. In reality it’s there are funny noises, bonks of the head, sharp elbows, and it’s messy, very messy. My husband and I experienced a lot of fart noises between our bodies one of the first few times we had sex and we couldn’t stop giggling. It definitely wasn’t the soft, romantic love making portrayed in movies.
Well-said, Samantha. So true!
I was suprised that I like sex so much more in the morning. At night I cannot fall asleep after sex.
I tweeted http://twitter.com/cstironkat
I think my most common misconception was that sex would always be as wild and crazy as at the begining, and it really is not. It’s nice but not nearly as hot and steamy.
A common misconception I often run into surrounding sex – at least with my husband, is that sex is not supposed to be fun. I think it should always be fun, but he is continuously surprised by this. So many things go wrong, you have to be able to laugh, blush, and not take things too seriously I think!