As many of you know, I only became aware of Fertility Awareness (via Natural Family Planning) about four months ago. But within these last four months, everything I ever believed or felt about birth control has utterly changed.
I now feel passionate about spreading the word about Fertility Awareness. Most of it is related to my newfound frustration with the Pill. Here are some of the reasons I have become anti-Pill:
1. The Pill gives us a false sense of control.
I have participated in countless group conversations in my lifetime wherein we have discussed how many kids we want to have. These conversations are always based on the assumption that we have complete control over the matter.
I decided years ago, for example, that I wanted four kids, having the first one when I was 24, and then having the rest about two years apart after that so I would be finished by the time I was 30. It was a great plan, I thought.
I now know that planning is kind of ridiculous. I turn 25 in less than two months. I had to endure a teensy bit of heartbreak to learn that most of us in fact have very little control over such matters.
One of my close friends had a baby while on the Pill. I have had no baby, after almost a year off the Pill. I often hear about women who damage their uteruses during childbirth or things like that and who can’t have any more babies, even though they wanted more. Turns out, fertility is not so easily manipulated.
Granted, taking the Pill gives us more control over our reproduction than we would have if we copulated willy-nilly without it, but it is still not fool-proof because our bodies are complex, living organisms which we will never fully understand. I doubt that we will ever have complete control over our bodies. But we are fed the lie that we do if only we take a little Pill every day, and it can distort our ideas of how life works.
Fertility Awareness (or FAM), in contrast, takes a much healthier and more realistic approach to reproduction: it understands that fertility is something that happens to our bodies, independent of our will. In response, FAM teaches us to observe our bodies and act accordingly to maximize or minimize our chances of getting pregnant; but ultimately, our bodies are doing the real work.
(As a side note, though, using FAM to prevent pregnancy is about as effective as the Pill is, but it embraces the natural rhythms of our bodies rather than trying to change them).
2. Use of the Pill is based on the assumption that we ought to have absolute control over our fertility.
And I’m not so sure about that. A certain amount of control over reproduction is beneficial, no doubt – delaying pregnancy allowed me to finish my education while married, for example – but I find the idea troubling that we ought to be able to switch our fertility on and off like a light switch. It just ain’t natural, and I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the notion.
3. The Pill makes us dependent on doctors rather than encouraging us to take active roles in our own reproductive lives.
When I got engaged, I was informed that I needed to set up a doctor’s appointment and to get a prescription for birth control because (of course) I didn’t want to get pregnant right away. So I did it. And for four years I went in regularly to get that prescription refilled. Then, four years later, I decided that I wanted to have a baby. I went in to see my doctor so that she could tell me what to do next. She told me to get some vaccinations and then wait to see what happened.
Six months later I had no freaking idea what was happening to my body. My cycles were crazy and unintelligible. I was buying pregnancy test after pregnancy test, all inexplicably negative. Everyone urged me to see my doctor about getting tested and possibly treated.
If my doctor had diagnosed me with something, the next step would have been for her to prescribe me some different pills, or for a different doctor to perform some complicated medical procedure on my body to try to switch my fertility back on. I would continue to be a passive participant in the matter.
But since my doctor had been unhelpful in the past, I decided to do my own searching.
And I found out that I didn’t necessarily need my doctor after all. I discovered that I hadn’t needed her all those years to prescribe me pills: I could have delayed pregnancy on my own terms using FAM. I also learned that I was quite capable of identifying many fertility problems myself. Now I am learning to maximize my fertility using things like nutrition. If that doesn’t help I may eventually get help from some other healthcare providers, but this time as an informed, active participant rather than an ignorant dupe.
I have discovered that the mainstream approach to fertility leaves me a passive consumer whereas FAM has allowed me to take fertility into my own hands. And that just feels right.
4. It makes me crazy-angry to think that my sisters and I have been manipulated into thinking we need to buy a product (i.e. the Pill) when we don’t need to buy anything at all.
I believe that the medical community has manufactured a demand for something we don’t really need.
Pharmaceutical companies make a lot of money off of our ignorance. As long as we remain passive consumers, believing that the Pill is the only answer to our problems, unaware of natural birth control methods, the medical community profits. It’s in their best interests to keep us ignorant. And this makes me livid.
I do not want The Man to profit from my ignorance and sense of helplessness. I do not want to be dependent on their products. And I don’t want other women to feel that the Pill is their only option. For many women, it is not.
5. The Pill is unnatural, potentially hazardous to our bodies, bad for the environment, and bad for our bank accounts. (I know, I know: more research needs to be done on the middle two, but I am not very optimistic).
FAM, in contrast, is natural, healthy, safe, and free. Since I am pro- natural health, protecting the environment, and spending as little as possible, I am saying No to the Pill and Yes to FAM.*
*(OK, my husband and I have made these decisions together, but I have had the main voice in the matter)
How about you? Have you said no to the Pill? Why/why not? Do you have any doubts about the Pill? Or do you think it’s still a good thing, regardless?
Further reading:
Attention, All Women Everywhere! (Why You Need to Start Charting Your Cycles)
What’s in a Name? “Natural Family Planning” versus “Fertility Awareness Method”
The Contraceptive Mentality – That Married Couple
Ditching the Pill for Good – Macleans
Photo Courtesy of Code Poet.
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Great article, Kathleen. I have also said “no more pill!” for a few reasons.
1. I wasn’t myself. I had to give myself a pep talk before every outing to tell myself to be in a good mood. Being a generally happy person, this was hard for me.
2. It didn’t do me any good, anyway. Getting pregnant three months after getting married and not missing any pills (not the month I conceived, anyway) doesn’t really make me have too much faith in the thing.
3. No sex drive. Enough said.
Once our baby decides to let me sleep a decent amount of hours and get up at a regular time in the morning, we plan on using FAM as well. Until then, we’re using other methods.
Oh man. I forgot to mention the sex drive thing. TOTALLY TRUE. Going off the Pill was the best thing I ever did for our sex life. (Sorry, folks who didn’t want to know that)
Excellent post, Kathleen! As you know, I’m pretty outspoken against the use of contraception and for the use of Natural Family Planning. As I continue to write about the topic and speak about it at marriage preparation courses, there seems to be more and more of a sentiment against The Pill.
I have heard from many women who say they hate how it makes them feel (like Christina above), and they are looking for a natural alternative. I’m so glad you are spreading the word that this alternative really exists and it rocks!
I started taking the pill due to extremely irregular periods that were accompanied by very painful cramps. I stopped the pill after getting married and deciding to try to get pregnant. After stopping, my period situation has improved somewhat in that it’s fairly regular and my cramps aren’t as bad – something that the NP I see suggested would happen. If there’s been a change in sex drive since stopping, it’s been a decrease. And my husband will certainly testify that my PMS is way worse.
I think that a lot of people just accept that there are side effects to pills rather than asking a doctor for another type to see what works best for you. So yes – that’s being a passive consumer, and I’d argue that that’s personal responsibility not a result of taking the pill.
Just my two cents from another perspective!
Thanks for writing about this! It needs to get said more! When I got married, we didn’t know any better and was on The Pill until a friend of mine recommend a book, “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” and we’ve never gone back. It set the tone for our pregnancy, and we started delving more into a more natural path into parenting. Way To Go!
Thanks for the article, although I disagree a bit with your views. I think that many women do benefit from using the pill as the main form of birth control. I believe that access to it and appropriate education would help prevent many unwanted pregnancies and reduce the need for abortions in developed countries that have a lot of negative press surrounding the pill (like South Korea, where I live). However, you are right in that the WAY it is used by some women and doctors makes them believe that fertility is easy to switch on and off. It is more complicated than that!
I’m glad FAM works for you. I don’t really want to be on the pill anymore, but I’m waiting until we have our first child to switch to an IUD.
Thanks, Diane – I always welcome differing perspectives!
I should be clear that even though I am against taking the Pill myself, and would like to encourage women to consider different alternatives, that doesn’t mean I am against women having access to it. I think women should be free to choose it if they so desire . . . although I personally hope that they choose against it! However, I would much prefer to see women use birth control than get abortions or give birth to unwanted children.
Overall, I know that it’s a profoundly complicated issue that I can’t possibly understand fully. In a perfect world, we would never need to control our fertility because all children would be loved and wanted. But in the current world, I understand that it may be necessary or at least beneficial to have some control over when/how we bring new people into the world.
Diana,
You mentioned that the pill would reduce the need for abortions, but keep in mind that the pill and the IUD can be abortive. They both can allow for conception, but prevent implantation.
Way to go, Kathleen! Au natural is the way to go! Here’s to a chemical-free future for you and your family!
Kathryn,
That depends on your definition of abortion and when life begins, and leads to issues of pro-life/pro-choice. In this case, I was referring to the medical procedure that is invasive and risky, not the technicalities of preventing implantation vs. preventing ovulation/fertilization which involve hormonal birth control’s possible “abortive” measures (to clarify, science shows many hormonal birth control methods prevent ovulation, therefore making any form of conception impossible). Abortion, though illegal, is the number one form of birth control in South Korea. While I am pro-choice, I find that fact highly disturbing (I’m also anti-abortion… if you can understand that perspective… Like Kathleen I don’t believe in foisting my personal choices on other women, but I would like to encourage people to consider other options).
I really do like the flexibility that FAM offers for women who oppose the pill for moral or medical reasons. I definitely would encourage monogamous, heterosexual couples to consider it for their family planning needs! And I love the information you’ve provided about it, Kathleen!
The pill doesn’t allow for conception. It prevents ovulation, and conception can’t occur without ovulation. The morning-after pill (Plan B), however, prevents implantation.
The fact that women conceive while on the Pill proves that ovulation and conception are possible while using the Pill. If babies are born after being conceived while on the Pill, it is entirely within the realm of possibilities (and likely, I’d think) that breakthrough ovulation can result in conception and that the tertiary effects of the Pill can then prevent implantation of the embryo. (source: http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2008/dec/08121206.html – which cites the medical journal Fertility & Sterility, Nov. 2008)
Also, while creating a hostile uterine environment is a tertiary effect of the Pill, it is the *primary* effect of IUDs (along with killing sperm), such as Mirena. IUDs do not prevent ovulation; they prevent implantation. (source: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/iud.html)
This does present a moral dilemma for women who believe that life begins at conception. Even apart from these issues, I think that the hormones in most birth control are worth avoiding, but the moral issues here are well worth considering.
Down with The Man! I like it. I’m on the shot and need to come off soon to give my body the big breather it will need to prepare me for pregnancy-trying later. Have to admit, I’m totally scared but these articles help. They really do.
Thank you for this! I hate the Pill. Because of my very odd cycles, my doctor put me on the Pill when I was 12. I tried to go off it plenty of times, and my cycle literally STOPPED. Just like that. I was finally told at 17 that my body didn’t ovulate, and that if I ever wanted to have children I would have to go through fertility treatment – and that might not even work. Thank you synthetic hormones.
That being said, I’m a big fan of FAM and everything natural – I hate the idea of taking pills (of any kind) and putting chemicals into my body. Good for you and keep it up!
Great post! I’ve never used the Pill and have been using NFP since about a year before I was married. We chose to use NFP for religious reasons (we’re Catholic), but I am SO grateful for NFP. My charting has given me such insights into my own body, and has helped my doctor diagnose some medical issues that are impacting my fertility. It’s also been the main reason I’ve been investigating more “natural” living (especially when it comes to nutrition). NFP is GOOD for women’s bodies–that’s a claim to fame not shared by any form of hormonal contraception.
I think that the Pill is SO over-prescribed by doctors for pretty much every female ailment, from acne to PMS to (apparently) fertility. It also really seems to me that doctors do not fully explain the short- and long-term side effects of years on the Pill. It really should not surprise anyone that assisted reproductive technology (IVF, IUI, etc.) is on the rise. What else is to be expected when drugs are being used to render women infertile for years at a time? I am struggling with ‘unexplained infertility’ and I am young and have never touched hormonal birth control…I can’t imagine what shape I’d be in if I had!
I also wanted to say that I really appreciated point #2 that you mentioned. (2. Use of the Pill is based on the assumption that we ought to have absolute control over our fertility.) I think there is a lot more meat there to talk about. There has been a total lifestyle and culture change since the 1960s when the Pill ushered in the “sexual revolution,” and it seems like it is only after 40 years that many women are waking up and are seeing that they don’t like what the “revolution” brought them–starting with the drug we were all told we just HAD to take if we wanted to be free and fulfilled.
- Rachel
Thanks, Rachel! I agree that there is a lot more to discuss in terms of #2 — but I think I will have to either bring in someone smarter than me or take some more time to think before fully exploring such an intimidating topic!
@Diana – I just wanted to pipe up to say that I think a pro-choice but anti-abortion perspective is a valid and interesting one . . . I would be interested in hearing more!
It’s a personal issue, Kathleen. Just I know myself well enough to know that I could not get an abortion, even if a child would create many problems in my life. I just wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Ever since I’ve been able to support myself, I’ve known what choice I’d make if I got pregnant despite my best efforts to regulate fertility.
As for other women, I don’t think that’s my call to make. In cases of rape and incest and extreme danger to the mother it is a necessary option (and I don’t trust any government to regulate for these cases considering how often they go unreported). In cases where the baby will not be able to be supported (too young students, poverty, alcohol/drug abuse, or a severe birth defect like downs), I don’t know that I can judge women who would choose to abort in those situations because they are just so far removed from my own experiences (and hopefully will stay that way). I don’t have much respect for people who choose it as their main form of birth control, but I do understand it as a “back up” option, even if I wouldn’t do it myself.
I know a lot of the moral issue people think adoption is such an easy option, but it’s really not. (I have adopted siblings, my mother was forced to give up a child when she was date raped in college who we later found, and my husband and I plan to adopt at least one of our future children, so I know about this issue from many different angles). I think that abortion counseling should be mandatory (and not that scare the crap out of you by showing you aborted babies nonsense that passes for “counseling” in some parts). Just like the pill, many women have been sold on the idea that abortion is a simple choice and you have no emotional consequences from it, but for many women that is just not true.
Hooray! Hooray! Another pro-choice yet anti-abortion-ist! Thank you, Diana, for clearly detailing a position I have found myself in for quite a while. I know that many others feel this way but are stuck with the highly polarized system of “pro-choice” vs “pro-life”. It’s great to be able to articulate an alternative.
My system has always been really sensitive, so I knew when we got married that the pill was not an option for me. However, I also wasn’t very good at tracking my cycles, so two weeks after our wedding I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant again when our daughter was only 8 months. After our second daughter was born, I had a deep sense that something was wrong. I was sick and couldn’t get well. My stomach hurt nonstop, and depression was taking over. In desperation, I went and got a copper (no hormones) IUD. One year later I was diagnosed with Celiac/gluten sensitivity and I finally started to get well. Once I was well, I began to feel increasingly uneasy with the IUD. The more I learned about it, the worse I felt about it. One week I just decided I couldn’t in good conscience keep it in, and had it removed the next day. It then took us 6 months of actively trying to conceive again before I got pregnant, even though the IUD had no hormones. After getting pregnant so easily with the first two, I know the IUD must have effected me. In retrospect, I think we probably made the right decision for the time – I absolutely had to get well before having another baby – but I don’t think I would ever choose an IUD again. Hormonal birth control is out of the question.
Our third beautiful daughter is now almost 4 months, and I would like to have a bit of space between her and our next baby, so it’s time to figure out a way that works for me to keep track of things. I’ll be checking into FAM for sure…
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story, Sara Kay! I’m glad you were able to figure out what was wrong with you. In terms of FAM, I think you just have to hit on the right tracking method. Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler? It’s the best resource on the subject I’ve found so far.
When my husband and I got engaged, we discussed different forms of birth control and which we would like to use. After quite a bit of discussion, we decided to use the pill for a variety of reasons. I was still in college and wanted to finish my degree, we were still trying to get our lives together and figure out how to live with each other (we didn’t live together before marriage), and, being newlyweds (and virgins for that matter) we didn’t want to have to worry (as much!) about getting pregnant in the first year or so, but we still wanted to be able to enjoy each other whenever we wanted to.
That being said, I was happy on the pill, for a little while. I had some of the initial side effects, but they tapered off. Then the long term side effects kicked in. My sex drive went down the toilet. I never wanted to have sex (isn’t that WHY we went on the pill? So we could have sex whenever we wanted?). I gained weight, and my breast size went from a C to a DD in 4 years. Neither one of us was very happy with these side effects.
When we decided to try to get pregnant, I came off the pill 6 months in advanced to give my body a chance to get back to normal. It took nearly all 6 months for my natural rhythm to kick back in. I have longer cycles (35-45 days), and any time I was late, I immediately thought I was pregnant. I had been stuck on a 28 day cycle for so long, that it took my body awhile to get back to its own schedule. I also started tracking my fertility during this time (using http://www.fertilityfriend.com. I HIGHLY recommend it!). I really liked being in tune with my body and would often share the information I was learning with my husband (who was also interested.) After just three cycles (which equaled out to about 5 months for us), we found out we were pregnant.
Our baby girl is due June 9th, and after she’s born, we don’t plan on going back on the pill. It was great for us in the beginning, but we realized there were things about it that we didn’t like. Using FAM was a little nerve racking in the beginning because we were both still trying to figure out how my body worked. We both needed to learn to trust my body and cycle signs to know that we weren’t going to get pregnant when I wasn’t ovulating. Having done FAM before getting pregnant, we’re a lot more confident in how my body works. Plus, it was SO interesting learning the different, and often subtle, things that my body would do to signal certain times in my cycle. It was actually kinda fun!
I, personally, don’t see anything wrong with a woman using the pill. In my opinion, its definitely better than using abortion as a form of birth control (I’m pro-life). I just know from my personal experiences that I am not a fan of it for myself. I didn’t like what it did to my body and my libido.
Thanks for your story, Sara(h)! I did the same thing — since my cycles were so long, I kept thinking I was pregnant when I was not. FAM is so nice for helping us understand when we are/aren’t pregnant, eh? And it is kind fun learning, isn’t it?
I saw your blog linked from The Marry Blogger.. good stuff!
Just one question:
What about Jesus?
Doesn’t He dictate and bless with children in his timing, whether or not you’re on the pill or use condoms or __ ? The truth is we believe this lie that we are in control of.. anything.
One of my favorite passages is Job 38 — The Lord answers Job:
http://www.esvstudybible.org/search?q=Job+38
…It can’t be good when God starts out by saying, “dress for action [gird up your loins] like a man!” (v. 3)
On a side note, after a year of marriage my wife just went of birth control, and we’re so much happier! Eventually, I think we’re probably going to try the Natural Family Planning, or whatever they’re calling it this month.
Hey Kathleen,
Just wanted you to know that I stumbled across you blog a few months ago and was really encouraged by what I found. I am 23 and have been married for one year. As I started to become unhappy with my bc, I started looking for alternatives. Your post about an educated,artsy-fartsy, protestant girls view gave me so much to think about as well as some needed encouragement. After a lot of praying, research, and talking my husband and I decided to try FAM. Thanks for your great blog! It’s great to read a thoughtful, theological, funny blog from a peer.
I agree with you, Rachel — hormonal birth control is definitely morally problematic on a lot of levels. I personally don’t intend to ever use it again, and moral issues play a key role in that decision. However, I still think that abortion (i.e. the invasive medical procedure) is even more problematic. Consequently, my opinion is that hormonal birth control is the lesser of two evils. I’d still rather see women use them than get abortions to avoid/get rid of unwanted babies.