Meet the Husband

I don’t talk about my husband enough. I know this because I’ve had male colleagues hit on me after months of being acquainted because they still weren’t aware that I was married. I’m trying to work on that.

Obviously you all know that I’m married, but many of you don’t know a thing about the man I’m married to. And that’s a shame.

So I’d like to formally introduce him to you. I’m pretty fond of him. I decided, though, that sharing things like his age and occupation would be kind of uninteresting and don’t actually say that much about him. Instead, here is a random list of quirks, habits, and a few examples of our regular daily interactions.

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One of Ben’s greatest desires in life is a cool scar. He thinks it would make him feel uber-manly. So every time he gets a minor injury (which is fairly often, as he works in home renovations and is around saw-blades quite a bit), he gets kind of excited, saying “I hope this leaves a cool scar!”

I don’t really get it. Does anyone know if this is normal for a man?

***

Ben has an inventory of places I’m not allowed to touch on his body. These include his Adam’s apple, his belly button, the hollow beneath his sternum, and the place just above his hip bones. He claims that if I do, he will “throw up.” I take my chances anyway. So far, no throwing up. But he does get very grumpy when I do it.

I’m quite certain that this is not normal.

***

My dear, clever, conscientious husband has rigged up a whole system of clothelines in our laundry room downstairs so that we can always air-dry our clothes. He hands his socks up by the toes . . . “So spiders can’t fall inside.” Not sure if this has ever been a problem in southern Ontario, but he likes to cover his bases.

***

The other day I suggested that he should clean the inside of the freezer, since he’s the one who left pop cans (or soda cans, for you Americans) in there to explode a few months ago. Removing the ice box, I realized there were still sticky brown crystals formed in the crevices. I left it to him. A few minutes later, after having surveyed the scene, I heard him yell, “I’ll do it. But I can’t guarantee I’ll do good work.”

***

“What were you thinking about doing for lunch?” he came and asked me the other day while I was doing some writing.

“Just leftovers,” I said distractedly. “Soup.”

“I was thinking eggs, toast and bacon,” he answered.

I thrust a finger at him while repeating emphatically, “Soup.”

He paused. “Soup-er idea?”

***

Packing for our weekend trip, I told him he was overdoing it. Wine glasses, summer sausage, cheese, a bottle of wine . . . he was wrapping stuff in paper bags and filling up multiple coolers. For a weekend. It was getting ridiculous. But I shrugged, letting him do his thing, and left for the computer room. Again, a yell: “It’s worth it,” he declared. “Cuz if we don’t bring this stuff, I’m going to be the one whining about it later.”

“I’m going to be whining?” I asked, unsure whether I’d heard correctly.

“No, I am.”

At least he’s well aware of his own shortcomings.

***

While I was writing all these things down in our computer room, I heard the mixer going in the kitchen and him murmuring to himself, “Mmm . . . vanilla.”

“Are you whipping up whipped cream for the trip?” I yelled incredulously, getting up and going to him in the kitchen. Ben does not do things in the kitchen. He is almost completely incompetent in the kitchen. But this was for the same trip in which he was pretty sure he would whine about it if he didn’t have adequate victuals for the weekend.

“Well, yeah,” he replied. “For the strawberries.”

I laughed. “You’re my favorite husband,” I said, and went up to him and hugged him affectionately. He kept beating with tremendous concentration.  Like I said, he doesn’t spend much time in the kitchen and this was taking a lot out of him.

“Guess what I’m doing right now?” I asked warmly, looking up at him. I was referring to the fact that I was writing about him.

He thought earnestly for a moment, then suggested timidly, “Lusting over me?”

I don’t have any questions to ask with this post. If you have a marriage blog, maybe you could introduce your spouse to us, too? I would love to hear about him or her. If you don’t, please share an odd tidbit or conversation from your marriage in the comments. It’s fun hearing about other people’s everyday relationships.

Tagged as: husband and wife, picture of marriage