Musings on Love, Marriage, and the Madness that Ensues

“Will somebody please ask me out on a coffee date for tonight? I’ve been alone 4 days straight and I’m about to kill myself for loneliness.”

I wish I could say I read that Facebook status on my news feed. Then I could use it as an illustration for why we need human contact in our everyday lives. I would use it to demonstrate why it’s important for you to remain caught up in the tangled web of human relationships because it keeps you sane.

But I didn’t read that Facebook status on my news feed.

I wrote it.

Fortunately, though, I thought twice before publishing it, and deleted it at the last second. Then I got up and started pacing and flapping my hands like I do when I can’t make up my mind about something. What was I going to do? I was desperate. I needed human contact. Any human contact. But I didn’t know how to get it.

See, here’s something you may or may not already know about me: I’m a serious introvert. I like to be alone. I am very happy to spend eight hours of my day in complete solitude, just writing and thinking and cooking and cleaning. I do all my grocery shopping at the crack of dawn so I don’t have to risk running into people I know and then having to chit-chat with them. I also hate making new friends, so I avoid all social gatherings that involve mixing with people I don’t already know.

The thing is, I don’t love being entangled in the messiness of other people’s lives. I dislike small talk. I loathe awkwardness. I dread others baring their feelings to my face because I fear that I will not be able to respond to their emotions adequately. I don’t hug, I suck at sympathizing, I feel weird about expressing interest or affection, and I fear taking responsibility for other people’s emotions. So I try to keep to myself as much as possible.

I have been like this for so long now that I have sort of lost the ability to plan get-togethers like a normal person. I just kind of forget to do it. I never plan dates or social events. I never pick up the phone just to say hi or drop by a friend’s house. I have kind of forgotten how.

Normally, I have no trouble spending lots of time alone. I have a rather cozy, self-centered life. I keep very busy all by my lonesome. But this last week, Ben was unusually busy. He was out every evening, attending classes or meeting with friends or practicing with his band. And I stayed home. I already spend every morning and afternoon completely alone, but now I was spending the evenings alone, too. For almost 100 hours straight I was completely by myself, except for a few short interactions with Ben in between his busyness.

And finally, on Thursday, I snapped. I was so desperate for human contact but so unused to making dates or plans with friends that I actually typed out a message on Facebook begging anyone in driving distance to come hang out with me.

It turns out that even monstrously self-absorbed, introverted people like me need relationships. We need to be entangled in other people’s messy experiences and emotions. We need to feel awkwardness and make small talk and bare our emotions and let the whole world see how bad we are at comforting others. Otherwise we go gaga. We’ll start saying crazy things over the interwebs, just aching for someone to hear us. That’s not a healthy position to be in.

So learn from me. Go out and get entangled. Be socially awkward. Run into acquaintances and stammer like  goofball. Otherwise you’ll turn out like me.

[Fortunately, I texted a friend instead of sending that embarrassing message to the world and ended up having a delightful coffee date with four awesome girl friends. When I told Ben what I’d almost done he said, “Whoa! Good thing you never published that Facebook status. Who knows who might have responded!” And then he said, in his best female stalker voice, “Dear Kathy: I’ve waited my whole life to be your best friend. Let’s start tonight. I want to share everything.” *Shudder* Yes indeed, I am grateful I didn’t actually publish that status.]

Have you ever had a moment where you realized you needed relationships?

Photo courtesy of eatingsnowflakes

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