A week from today, Ben and I will celebrate five years of marriage.
Consequently, I will not be blogging for the next week or two, as the two of us are spending the week in Montreal to celebrate this milestone. And we donât have a laptop, so I will be completely internet-deprived.
Generally, I am averse to offering relationship advice of any sort, but today I think Iâm entitled to offer a few tidbits. Weâve made it to five years! Yay, us! As a tribute to our half-decade of marriage, Iâm stealing Alisaâs idea and offering five lessons that Iâve learned about marriage and relationships in the five years that I have been wedded to my darling (but sometimes rather insufferable) husband.
1. In life, you have two options: put up with peopleâs crap or be lonely.
2. Forgiveness is something that you practice more for yourself than for your spouse. Holding onto hurt takes an outstanding amount of energy. Itâs not worth it. Accept that your spouse is going to be a complete douche-bag sometimes, just like you are.
3. Let your spouse dream. Let him/her be unrealistic. Youâre not necessarily doing your spouse any favours by jumping in and being the ârealisticâ one all the time. Your prudence might actually be preventing your spouse from becoming more fully him/herself.
4. Worry less about financial security than about your spouse deriving vitality and satisfaction from his/her work. Having a spouse who is fulfilled by his/her work might be more important to your shared happiness than a stable source of income.
5. If sex is still no fun a year or two after you started doing it, it doesnât mean youâre doomed to a sexless marriage. You probably just need more practice. Itâs a skill that needs to be cultivated just like any other, and it takes time and experience to be good at it. It might even take several years. Thatâs OK, because you have the rest of your lives to perfect it together.
And since Iâm in a sage and generous mood, hereâs a life tip that I have also learned through experience:
*When you finish a box of cereal and remove the inner bag, and you still hear a few leftover pieces rattling around in the box, donât eat them. They have been outside of the bag for who knows how long and will be repulsively stale.
Happy Five Years, Darling! Itâs been a blast.